Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Come on Get Higher

So I got the best birthday present ever yesterday and that was spending the day with you. We had a great celebration at Grandma V's house and on the way home we were listening to music when Matt Nathanson's "Come on Get Higher" came on.

I love this song and last year it was my favorite song and we would dance to it in those early months of your life. Your Dad teases me incessantly about how it is so NOT a mother/daughter song and doesn't understand why I like it so much. One day when you read this and you are old enough to listen to it I know you will side with your father so I am writing this down now before I am too senile to defend myself.

It is the memory the song gives of that specific time in my life that makes me like it so much. Not so much the song itself. It makes me think of you because it was just the two of us dancing in the dining room - you trying to figure this living on the outside business and me trying to figure out how I lived my life without you.
Trying to stay in the moment and not think about how I would have to leave you to go back to work all too soon.

Despite all of the other lyrics in the song, the only phrase that sticks in my head is the one at the very end where he says "everything works in your arms" I will always be learning how to be a mom, and you will always be trying to teach me and test me around every corner.

But when I just stop and hold you, it just all makes sense.

Love you big, Little. Love you big.


Monday, August 10, 2009


The last few months for me have really been about letting go.
First with you crawling and especially now with you walking,
I find myself having to hold myself back.

To keep me from hindering you in your exploration of the world.
As a mother I find I have so many more fears since you were born.
And everyday I am constantly amazed at your fearlessness in taking on new things.

I hold myself back, because I don't want my fear instilled in you.
I hold myself back so you can continue to take the world on your terms,
completely fearless.